Why Isn't Therapy Working? And Other Common Concerns About Therapy

So you’ve found a therapist who you have been seeing for several sessions and you’re wondering why nothing in your life seems to have changed. You were hopeful that therapy was going to provide what you needed emotionally but you aren’t experiencing results. Let’s look at some possible reasons you might be thinking that therapy isn’t working for you. I have broken down our discussion into three main points: expectations, fit, and work.

First, I encourage you to take inventory of your expectations. Ask yourself, “what am I hoping to get out of therapy?” Is your response to this question reasonable? Have you discussed this expectation with your current therapist? Hopefully, you and your therapist talked about what you are hoping to get out of therapy in one of the first sessions. This is an important conversation in order to make sure that you and your therapist are on the same page and working in the same direction.

In addition, are your expectations within an achievable therapeutic goal? Again, this is something your therapist will be able to offer guidance on and it is important. If you are hoping that after three sessions all of your symptoms of depression will be gone and you have experienced these symptoms for the last five years, that is probably not a realistic expectation. Also, if you are hoping that your therapist will fix your partner so that they do not frustrate you anymore, this also is not possible.

Take some time to identify what your expectations for therapy are and discuss these expectations with your therapist to ensure that you are on the same page and that those expectations are realistic for therapy.

Next, let’s take a look at therapist-client fit. The relationship between client and therapist is important. As a client you want to make sure that you feel comfortable with your therapist. If you do not feel a level of comfort this can impede your overall progress in therapy because you might not be willing to discuss difficult and uncomfortable topics. If you notice yourself holding back in your therapy sessions, ask yourself why. The answer to this question might help you identify that it is time to find a therapist that you feel you can trust in order to move forward with your therapeutic goals.

Feeling comfortable with your therapist is essential as well as a fit in what your therapist specializes in. As therapists, we cannot be good at everything and that is okay. As a client, you want to make sure that the challenges you are facing and want to work on in therapy are topics that the therapist has training and experience in. If you are not making progress in therapy, it is possible that the therapist is not a good fit for what you are dealing with. When looking for a new therapist you will want to ask directly what their experience is with the issues you want to work on. This explanation will assist you in deciding if it’s possibly a good fit.

Another reason that you might feel like therapy isn’t working is because you are not putting in the work. Yes, therapy takes work. Therapy is usually one hour per week, as a result the majority of work toward your goals happens outside of the therapy office. As a client you need to be putting in the work that it takes to experience the changes and benefits you are hoping for. Like most things in life, for change to occur you must put in effort and energy. Sitting in a therapist’s office once a week to talk about your problems usually is not enough to help bring solutions to those problems. You will need to actively make the necessary shifts in your life in order to experience the effects you are hoping for.